John Schoneboom is a bipedal anthropoid who revels in the sensitivity of his own fingertips. Ask him for his card; he's probably got a David Wright in his wallet.
Lately he's been whipping up a chocolate pudding almost every night. When he gets over that, it'll probably be cupcakes again. It's like, once he found out how easy it was to do it, it's actually harder not to.
John is fiercely loyal. His best friend from first grade was a guy called Mark James Ewert. John always called him by all three names. Mark James Ewert moved away at the end of that year and hasn't been heard from since. That's a lot of years. John still not only remembers Mark James Ewert and not only still calls him Mark James Ewert, he's ready to resume being best friends again any time. Mark James Ewert: if you're out there, please get in touch.
The following features bear John's insidious imprint: