Mr. Schoneboom is probably best known as the Guinness world record holder for longest run in straight pool at 3,413 balls. Nah, not really. But now that it's been written down on the Interwebs, a lot of people will hopefully believe it.
Most of the time John goes to great lengths to rescue household insects and put them outside. Still, once in a while it's like, screw it; he just squashes them. Then he feels bad and remembers the poor little guy for quite a while.
John is fiercely loyal. His best friend from first grade was a guy called Mark James Ewert. John always called him by all three names. Mark James Ewert moved away at the end of that year and hasn't been heard from since. That's a lot of years. John still not only remembers Mark James Ewert and not only still calls him Mark James Ewert, he's ready to resume being best friends again any time. Mark James Ewert: if you're out there, please get in touch.
The following features bear John's insidious imprint: