John Schoneboom is often asked by a particular six-year-old boy to provide quiz questions to relieve the monotony of a metro ride. As a result, Schoneboom studies, Schoneboom knows things. Alpha Centauri? 4.2 lightyears. And it's three stars, not one.
He once bought a hamster for use in a theatrical production and kept it thereafter as a pet; he never meant for it to die. He had no idea how much you had to pay attention to their water supply.
John is fiercely loyal. His best friend from first grade was a guy called Mark James Ewert. John always called him by all three names. Mark James Ewert moved away at the end of that year and hasn't been heard from since. That's a lot of years. John still not only remembers Mark James Ewert and not only still calls him Mark James Ewert, he's ready to resume being best friends again any time. Mark James Ewert: if you're out there, please get in touch.
The following features bear John's insidious imprint: