As a boy, John Schoneboom voluntarily signed up for Little League year after tortured year. His only hit ever was disallowed by virtue of his having used an aluminum bat. John doesn't even like aluminum bats.
Lately he's been whipping up a chocolate pudding almost every night. When he gets over that, it'll probably be cupcakes again. It's like, once he found out how easy it was to do it, it's actually harder not to.
He currently owns six pairs of eyeglasses because he finds it really difficult to throw any of them away. Also: too many underpants.
The following features bear John's insidious imprint: