John Schoneboom would like to tell you his feet are beautiful, but he'd be lying; there's some weird thing on one of his toes that started out as a blister. He's seeing the doctor on Monday.
He once bought a hamster for use in a theatrical production and kept it thereafter as a pet; he never meant for it to die. He had no idea how much you had to pay attention to their water supply.
He's sincerely apologetic about having ever hurt anyone's feelings, ever. If he had that to do over again, whatever it was, he'd be certain to go about it less stupidly and with a good deal more kindness.
The following features bear John's insidious imprint: