As a boy, John Schoneboom voluntarily signed up for Little League year after tortured year. His only hit ever was disallowed by virtue of his having used an aluminum bat. John doesn't even like aluminum bats.
Most of the time John goes to great lengths to rescue household insects and put them outside. Still, once in a while it's like, screw it; he just squashes them. Then he feels bad and remembers the poor little guy for quite a while.
These days he sometimes pretends to need a poo, just to have a few dependable minutes of peace and quiet to himself.
The following features bear John's insidious imprint: