As a boy, John Schoneboom voluntarily signed up for Little League year after tortured year. His only hit ever was disallowed by virtue of his having used an aluminum bat. John doesn't even like aluminum bats.
John recalls scratching his leg like mad all the way home from school one day, only to discover upon eventual trouser removal the shmeared remains of a whole cricket.
These days he sometimes pretends to need a poo, just to have a few dependable minutes of peace and quiet to himself.
The following features bear John's insidious imprint: