Mr. Schoneboom is probably best known as the Guinness world record holder for longest run in straight pool at 3,413 balls. Nah, not really. But now that it's been written down on the Interwebs, a lot of people will hopefully believe it.
John recalls scratching his leg like mad all the way home from school one day, only to discover upon eventual trouser removal the shmeared remains of a whole cricket.
These days he can often be seen gazing wistfully into the distance across from Sainsbury's, as if by squinting he could make any large green blob be the X21 up towards Cramlington.
The following features bear John's insidious imprint: