Mister Schoneboom once took the winning shot in a shuffleboard contest when he was only ten years old, at a summer vacation resort with his family as witnesses. His partner was a complete stranger. Until that last moment Schoneboom had been a real drag on the team's chances.
He once bought a hamster for use in a theatrical production and kept it thereafter as a pet; he never meant for it to die. He had no idea how much you had to pay attention to their water supply.
Proudest accomplishment? Good at memorizing. He can quote you a lot of Bugs Bunny lines. I mean, a LOT of Bugs Bunny lines. You know what I'm saying?
The following features bear John's insidious imprint: